You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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