This girl is more easily done than said...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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