God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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