My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
