I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
