i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
