making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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