tell your sister to shave her snatch
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
