I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
