guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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