when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
