Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
