You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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