If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
