We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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