FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
