Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
