you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
