Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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