On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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