i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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