My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
