whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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