Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
