I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
