That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
