I'm so fucking centered right now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
