is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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