After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
