He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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