You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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