When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
