I am in a vortex of obligation.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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