I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
