i think my tv is drunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
