pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
