People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
