I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
