Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
