and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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