I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
