Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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