She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
and you fell through a lawn chair
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
