What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
