so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have fence marks all over my body
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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