The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
