I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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