Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
