I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
