OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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