he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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