I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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