my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
