her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
