he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
