I love black thongs
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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