Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize