mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
