i jhust puked up my retainher.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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