I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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