suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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