So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
