We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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