My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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