mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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