everyone is single if you try hard enough
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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