What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
