i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
