Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
