He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
