Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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