i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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