I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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