You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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